My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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