She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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