i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
