so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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