My nipple is on Facebook.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ketchup is God's man juice
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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