But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
