It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
