You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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