is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
