Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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