Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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