If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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