you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize