you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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