You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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