After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
