She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
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Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
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You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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