i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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