this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
