Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
