Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
