My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
