i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
