I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
