I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
