He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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