They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
