Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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