You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
