He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
