So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
