I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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