Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
