you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
