Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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