the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
