I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
