I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
