Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
