in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween