I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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