I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.