Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner