Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
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I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.