Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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