Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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