What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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