doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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