I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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