She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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