why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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