Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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