I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
