Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
