Kiss
Puke
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
