He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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