i permit you to call me
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
