just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
