i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
