I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
