apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
