I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
