Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
