Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Randomize
