nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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