The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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