He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
