Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
