she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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