Nicole vs. Life
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
