you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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