Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
