i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
