is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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