What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
