I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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