Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
