she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
