Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
