he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
