I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
