i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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