she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
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I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
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Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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