I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
