Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
