Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
birth control should be required to get into college
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize