i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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