You're so nebulous sometimes
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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