I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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