I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
